Reflecting On Today's Sermon

Do you need salvation?  

Do you need to feel separate from another group of people?  

In my life experience, these two questions are inextricably linked, the first being a more polite way of asking the second. Salvation is exclusive.  It is necessary that it be exclusive to be attractive.  The idea of salvation sets up the "Us vs. Them" paradigm that is necessary for manipulation and control of groups of people.  Salvation creates the opportunity for judgement.  

Without judgement there is no need for salvation, and thus we have the first foundational principle of religion.  Without salvation, judgement is irrelevant to the judged.  Fear is the result of judgement and salvation.  Fear is the bridle and reins of those in power.

In Christianity, you should fear death a little.  When you die you will meet Christ, who is supposed to be your salvation, but thought you think you are saved you might not be.  "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling".  All that wraps it up nicely with a bow.

You're not saved?!?  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.  Hell fire and damnation awaits!  

Oh you are saved?!?!  Are you sure?  Are you really sure?!  Are you really, really sure?!?!

Fearful people are easier to manipulate and control.  

But hey, it's not all bad.  At least you're not one of 'them'!

Round and round it goes.  Scripture does the same thing.  It is a circular system filled with circular logic.

Maybe there is a god.  I will not argue against the possibility of a god.  I do however argue that any one modern group of people have a comprehensive understanding of that god and the best or only way to interface with that god.

To Burn The Bridge Or Not

Thomas Wolfe said "you can never go home again".  That was an astute observation at the time.

Someone else observed 'Men tend to remember themselves greater than they were'.  Perhaps not as catchy or as astute.  Certainly not as freely embraced regardless of truth.  

I am the observer.  I keep that in mind as a challenge to not embellish these stories of my life.  Integrity is important.  I know that some of these memories that are shared experiences are remembered differently than how I tell it.  I don't believe that takes away from the veracity of what I write.  It matters because these stories are part of my identity. 

Some of my stories have grave implications.  Lives will be profoundly affected if or when they are shared.  I have considered waiting till these people have passed on before sharing these stories but that seems sort of like a cheap and cowardly shot in the back.  

I have thought about simply not sharing these stories.  Maybe.  I don't know yet, but there seems to be some cowardice in that too.  It's not an easy decision.  What good will come from bringing these things to the surface?  Perhaps none.  I don't know.  But telling these hard stories are the point of this blog and I want to tell the whole story.  

I feel certain that if the stories in question are told it will destroy more than one precious and sacred relationship.  For me there will be greater depth and meaning to "You can never go home".  Two men who see themselves greater than they are will be disgraced.  These stories seem to be plugging up the works.  I find it difficult to continue writing until I get past these stories.

What About Love

I make an earnest effort to improve myself; in word, thought and deed, and in my relationships.  I try to maintain this improvement continuously;  learning is a fundamental component of any positive change or growth.  I strive to always be open to new opportunities to learn.  Most especially from those closest to me.

Love, like identity is an ever present thought in my mind.  I would like to think I have learned something about love.  I have had many ideas about what love is, beliefs about what love could do.  There are songs, movies, books, and poems about love.  But ultimately, its all just a bunch of words.

In my mind, love was a bond holding two people together; making holding on through all the storms of life worth it.  Love was unconditional acceptance, unbridled desire to remain linked to the other, an emotional need for the others well being that surpassed selfishness.  Love was the strength to endure what ever may come.

Love might save a relationship, someone else's relationship.  There is no universal love.  Love is an emotion, but that emotion is whimsical at best.  Love is an idea.  It can be and attitude, an action, a motivation, a goal, but it is, and will always be an elusive ethereal idea.  That is it.

There is no divine love.  If you have love between you and another living thing, you might find something close to divinity.  In a few rare moments I have known such love.  Those moments were fleeting.

Mostly love is a lie.  A fallacy.  Even if it does not start out that way, invariably it ends up that way.  

I have spent the majority of my life's energy seeking loving, trying to cultivate love, trying to be loveable.  Yet I have had no firm concept of what love is, or how to nurture it.  I have sought understanding from those around me.  I have tried to love those around me in such a way as to inspire such great love and devotion that they would love me completely and unwaveringly.  But they are human.  I am human. Perhaps I am less human.  I have failed.

I have failed to endure, and thus failed to love enough.  I have no faith.  I have precious little hope.